A bit of The Other
Column 2: Spoilers
By Christopher Lomas
Warning: This column contains spoilers. We know it says as much in the title, but you can't be too careful these days.
So if you haven't seen A Good Man goes to War yet (and why not?) then go and watch it and then come back and read Christopher's column.
-Ed
It’s a weight off, isn’t it? Now we know River is Amy and Rory’s daughter – ooh that’s fun to write – we can all breathe a sigh of relief. Except for that one person whose day I’ve just ruined. That one person who, for whatever reason hasn’t seen A Good Man Goes To War. Maybe they’ve been in orbit. With a patchy broadband connection. Sorry!
Spoilering yourself is easy. Particularly now Doctor Who is such big business. Casual viewers have to be told that the Daleks / the Cybermen / “the ones in the string vests” are coming back. Because it means they’ll watch. And we want them to watch – in their millions. Fortunately, they don’t need to know everything. So we can still enjoy a few little surprises here and there. The Macra! Who knew?!
While this is all very interesting to us Summer 2011 types, what about you readers looking in from the future? Rifling back through the DWRS archives from the tweenies are you? Look at you – with your hovercars and your i-Pud technology. How was the fiftieth anniversary? What’s that you say? The Bandrils were behind everything! With a little help from the Chumblies. Gah! Spoliers!
While for us, River’s story hasn’t yet run its course, you’ve already seen it played out in full. Perhaps you’re already enjoying the exploits of the twelfth Doctor, Colin and Zebedee. And you’ve got secrets of your own. Because nothing dates like a spoiler. Today’s big set-piece revelations are just grist for the mill. Footnotes for the next Jean-Marc Lofficier programme guide. Seriously I’ve been waiting thirty odd years for the next volume!
But back to the books. Don’t worry – in its roundabout way, this really does come back to the books. You see, I have a secret of my own. Something I haven’t ever told anyone before. Not ever! And it’s about the BBC Eights Doctor Adventures.
So here it is – the secret…
… But hold on a minute. That’s just a bit too easy isn’t it? Surely I’ve got to string you along a little bit first. (Like dancing to River’s song.) So how about this? Come back next year – and I’ll tell you everything. Does that work for you? Oh, all right then. Meet me in three paragraphs time. I’ll talk!
Hardy souls who made it through Marked for Destruction will already know that I was a bit of a New Adventures fan. I loved the Virgin line, and I wasn’t too happy when they lost their licence to BBC Books.
When Paul McGann donned the floppy wig, it was only right and proper we had a whole new line of books to chronicle his adventures. But the BBC books were different. Whereas Virgin’s output had been too broad and too deep for the small screen, these seemed to me to be a lot less brave, broad and, er, bookish. Stories too small for the printed page. Or so I thought.
And that brings us here. To a big secret, and a shocking revelation. I didn’t actually read the BBC Eighth Doctor Adventures! Well, maybe one or two. But that’s all.
Well, that may not have exactly rocked your world, but I feel better. Like I’ve finally come clean. Now I can admit it: yes, I’ve seen every bit of televised Who still in the archives; yes I’ve listened to all the missing episodes – but I still haven’t read all the books. Not yet. Maybe I never will. And actually, that’s okay. It means that there’s a great swathe of Doctor Who that I know (almost) nothing about. Old/new Doctor Who still waiting to be discovered. Seventy or so adventures that, truth to tell, I’m rather sorry I missed out on. Because they got better didn’t they? Darker, more dangerous; more engrossing. Like the Virgin New Adventures, they built up a mythos of their own. One I only kinda, sorta know a little bit about from scanning the reviews in Doctor Who Magazine.
It’s a jumbled patchwork of recollections. A sort of spoiler soup – full of things that may or may not have happened, all mixed up with things that definitely did happen but not in the way I remember them!
My BBC Eight Doctor timeline goes a little something like this. First we get a big rompy celebration, courtesy of Sir Terrance. The Doctor meets a new friend. She’s a Jones to his Smith. Were there Judoon involved?
There are lots of old monsters: Vampires, Wirrn and Zygons; even a Kroton. There’s a very unpopular Dalek story. And at some point, a companion falls in love with the Doctor. But that doesn’t end well. They part ways, at Canary Wharf, or is it a Greenpeace rally?
Then there’s Compassion. Probably played by Suranne Jones in the movie. There’s a new take on an old regeneration. And finally when it all gets a bit too complicated, they land the amnesiac Doctor on earth inThe Burning and take away the TARDIS. Or is that The War Games?
You see, it’s all a bit hazy. And that’s fine too. Because it means I’ve pretty much un-spoilered myself. I know some of the story beats to be sure. But I haven’t quite sussed out the Melody.
So, when they finally get around to reprinting these stories, I’ll be able to embark on a whole new series of Doctor Who. Even if that Bandril / Chumbley alliance overcomes the Doctor on TV. Even if he disappears for a bit, I’ll have plenty of mostly unspoiled, new(ish) adventures waiting.
Now, back into offline mode. I’ve been on here far too long and if I’m not careful, I’m going to stumble across some grade-A fourteen year old spoliers! Some people have got no consideration. Blabbing about the destruction of Gallifrey like it’s common knowledge. Tch.
So if you haven't seen A Good Man goes to War yet (and why not?) then go and watch it and then come back and read Christopher's column.
-Ed
It’s a weight off, isn’t it? Now we know River is Amy and Rory’s daughter – ooh that’s fun to write – we can all breathe a sigh of relief. Except for that one person whose day I’ve just ruined. That one person who, for whatever reason hasn’t seen A Good Man Goes To War. Maybe they’ve been in orbit. With a patchy broadband connection. Sorry!
Spoilering yourself is easy. Particularly now Doctor Who is such big business. Casual viewers have to be told that the Daleks / the Cybermen / “the ones in the string vests” are coming back. Because it means they’ll watch. And we want them to watch – in their millions. Fortunately, they don’t need to know everything. So we can still enjoy a few little surprises here and there. The Macra! Who knew?!
While this is all very interesting to us Summer 2011 types, what about you readers looking in from the future? Rifling back through the DWRS archives from the tweenies are you? Look at you – with your hovercars and your i-Pud technology. How was the fiftieth anniversary? What’s that you say? The Bandrils were behind everything! With a little help from the Chumblies. Gah! Spoliers!
While for us, River’s story hasn’t yet run its course, you’ve already seen it played out in full. Perhaps you’re already enjoying the exploits of the twelfth Doctor, Colin and Zebedee. And you’ve got secrets of your own. Because nothing dates like a spoiler. Today’s big set-piece revelations are just grist for the mill. Footnotes for the next Jean-Marc Lofficier programme guide. Seriously I’ve been waiting thirty odd years for the next volume!
But back to the books. Don’t worry – in its roundabout way, this really does come back to the books. You see, I have a secret of my own. Something I haven’t ever told anyone before. Not ever! And it’s about the BBC Eights Doctor Adventures.
So here it is – the secret…
… But hold on a minute. That’s just a bit too easy isn’t it? Surely I’ve got to string you along a little bit first. (Like dancing to River’s song.) So how about this? Come back next year – and I’ll tell you everything. Does that work for you? Oh, all right then. Meet me in three paragraphs time. I’ll talk!
Hardy souls who made it through Marked for Destruction will already know that I was a bit of a New Adventures fan. I loved the Virgin line, and I wasn’t too happy when they lost their licence to BBC Books.
When Paul McGann donned the floppy wig, it was only right and proper we had a whole new line of books to chronicle his adventures. But the BBC books were different. Whereas Virgin’s output had been too broad and too deep for the small screen, these seemed to me to be a lot less brave, broad and, er, bookish. Stories too small for the printed page. Or so I thought.
And that brings us here. To a big secret, and a shocking revelation. I didn’t actually read the BBC Eighth Doctor Adventures! Well, maybe one or two. But that’s all.
Well, that may not have exactly rocked your world, but I feel better. Like I’ve finally come clean. Now I can admit it: yes, I’ve seen every bit of televised Who still in the archives; yes I’ve listened to all the missing episodes – but I still haven’t read all the books. Not yet. Maybe I never will. And actually, that’s okay. It means that there’s a great swathe of Doctor Who that I know (almost) nothing about. Old/new Doctor Who still waiting to be discovered. Seventy or so adventures that, truth to tell, I’m rather sorry I missed out on. Because they got better didn’t they? Darker, more dangerous; more engrossing. Like the Virgin New Adventures, they built up a mythos of their own. One I only kinda, sorta know a little bit about from scanning the reviews in Doctor Who Magazine.
It’s a jumbled patchwork of recollections. A sort of spoiler soup – full of things that may or may not have happened, all mixed up with things that definitely did happen but not in the way I remember them!
My BBC Eight Doctor timeline goes a little something like this. First we get a big rompy celebration, courtesy of Sir Terrance. The Doctor meets a new friend. She’s a Jones to his Smith. Were there Judoon involved?
There are lots of old monsters: Vampires, Wirrn and Zygons; even a Kroton. There’s a very unpopular Dalek story. And at some point, a companion falls in love with the Doctor. But that doesn’t end well. They part ways, at Canary Wharf, or is it a Greenpeace rally?
Then there’s Compassion. Probably played by Suranne Jones in the movie. There’s a new take on an old regeneration. And finally when it all gets a bit too complicated, they land the amnesiac Doctor on earth inThe Burning and take away the TARDIS. Or is that The War Games?
You see, it’s all a bit hazy. And that’s fine too. Because it means I’ve pretty much un-spoilered myself. I know some of the story beats to be sure. But I haven’t quite sussed out the Melody.
So, when they finally get around to reprinting these stories, I’ll be able to embark on a whole new series of Doctor Who. Even if that Bandril / Chumbley alliance overcomes the Doctor on TV. Even if he disappears for a bit, I’ll have plenty of mostly unspoiled, new(ish) adventures waiting.
Now, back into offline mode. I’ve been on here far too long and if I’m not careful, I’m going to stumble across some grade-A fourteen year old spoliers! Some people have got no consideration. Blabbing about the destruction of Gallifrey like it’s common knowledge. Tch.